The Moderately Talented (Yet Plucky) Repertory Theatre of Justice presents
LAWFULPALOOZA
A semi-original musical extravaganza produced especially for the Washington State Access to Justice Conference, April 3-5, 1998, Chelan, Washington
Written & directed by Marla Elliott
Produced by Joan Fairbanks
Stage Manager/Technical Director Joan Kleinberg
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
SCENE CHANGER, Mary Alice Theiler
MICKEY, a pro bono coordinator, Jim Bamberger
JUDY, a legal aid staff attorney, Mary Fairhurst
DARLA, a court clerk, Jan Michels
EMCEE, Colleen Kinerk
GOOD FAIRIES OF FUNDING--Barbara Clark, Lauren Moore, Marlin Appelwick
ELVIS SHEN-JAFFEE, an executive director, Pat MacIntyre
THE COORDINETTES, Robin Lester, Pam Feinstein, Ada Shen-Jaffee
MARLETHA, a courthouse facilitator, Marla Elliott
DON, a pro se litigant, Don Powell
THE SUPREMES, Gerry Alexander, Richard Guy, Richard Sanders
DANCERS, The Jets and the Sharks
BAND:
Don Kinney, percussion
Vince Brown, guitar
Dinnen Cleary, keyboards
Lisa Brodoff, bass
Musical Numbers:
'Heartbreak Hotel' Elvis
'From Me to You' The Coordinettes
'Respect' Marletha
'Stop in the Name of Love' The Supremes
'Age of Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In' Judy, Mickey, Darla, & ensemble
Scene I: In Karma County, Washington
(The offices of Karma County Legal Assistance in Aquarius, Washington. The SCENE CHANGER walks across the stage with a sign reading 'In Karma County, Washington'. JUDY, a staff attorney, sits working at the desk with DARLA, the county clerk who is also the board treasurer. JUDY and DARLA are enthusiastic people who always speak with exclamation points at the ends of their sentences.)
JUDY: Gee whiz, Darla! It's been so great to have your help with our legal aid project!
DARLA: Well, you know, Judy, as county clerk, I really feel it's important for me to be involved! And you've done a great job, too!
JUDY: Gee, Thanks! If only we could get these budget figures to work out!
(MICKEY, the pro bono coordinator, bursts in. He also speaks in exclamation points.)
MICKEY: Judy! Darla! Guess what! One of our pro bono attorneys just won another big case!
JUDY: Wow, Mickey, that's great! But I'm afraid we've got some bad news.
MICKEY: Bad news? What could it be?
DARLA: I've been going over the books for the legal aid program. If we don't find some new funding fast, there won't be any more big cases, or little ones, either!
MICKEY: Is the funding situation that bad?
JUDY: Even worse! If we miss one more payment, they'll foreclose on our building!
MICKEY: The John Grisham Memorial Legal Aid Center? They can't do that! We've got to get that money somehow!
DARLA: But how? All our usual donors are all tapped out!
MICKEY: I've got an idea! Did you see what came in the mail yesterday?
JUDY: What?
MICKEY: (rifling through papers on desk, finds one, holds it up) This grant application! Look! The Good Fairies of Funding are holding their annual grant application fair: it's called Lawfulpalooza! They're looking for effective working partnerships that support equal access to justice!
JUDY: We've got the best partnership around! Especially since Darla, our county clerk, became the board treasurer! We've got to win that grant money and save the Center! What does it say we have to do?
MICKEY: Well, it's not so easy. First, we have fill in these forms in triplicate.
DARLA: Then what?
MICKEY: Then, well, we take our completed grant application to the Access to Justice Conference at Lake Chelan, and we have to sing it!
JUDY: Oh, Mickey, that's perfect! We'll knock 'em dead! I'll put the budget figures together;
DARLA: My mom has some old costumes in her attic!
JUDY: Mickey, you write up some measurable outcome criteria; and we'll set them to a catchy melody! It'll be like old times!
MICKEY, JUDY and DARLA:(together) We're gonna put on a show!
(They run off, enthused)
Scene II: At the Access to Justice Conference
(SCENE CHANGER walks across stage with sign reading 'At the Access to Justice Conference'. Stage is set like a combination game show/talk show/American Bandstand. BAND stage R; downstage R, at side of stage, are 7 chairs for contestants; center L is a 'Tonight Show'-style desk for the Emcee/host, further L a sofa or easy chairs for the Good Fairies of Funding. DANCERS enter, sit on floor, on either side of platform.)
EMCEE: Hi everybody, and welcome to LAWFULPALOOZA! As you know, we are still the only legal services-related funding source ever to nominated for a Grammy award! It's great to see you all here in beautiful Lake Chelan! I just drove over the pass, and now I don't know whether to chip or putt! (ba-bump from drummer; laughter from band members.) No, but seriously, I know we're all eager to get on with the show. You're going to get to hear some really great grant applications tonight. But before we go any further, let's introduce our wonderful LAWFULPALOOZA judges; you've known them and loved them for a long time. Let's hear it for the Good Fairies of Funding!
(Enter Good Fairies of Funding from stage L, waving to audience, cheek-kissing EMCEE, etc. They carry clipboards with the grant applications and shopping bags of money.)
EMCEE: Good evening, good fairies!
GOOD FAIRY 1: Hello, Colleen. It's great to see you.
GOOD FAIRY 2: We're very excited about this year's grant applications. Looks like there's some exciting new talent out there!
GOOD FAIRY 3: And we've got the money right here!
EMCEE: That's wonderful. You're looking just fabulous. Now I know we're all eager to get started, so fairies, take your places!
(The Good Fairies of Funding sit far stage L on the sofa. They take out clipboards and prepare to take notes.)
EMCEE: And of course, no grant application is complete without the help of our wonderful LAWFULPALOOZA dancers! You may remember them as those old rivals, the Jets and the Sharks; now they've joined together to rock out for justice! Won't you give them a big hand, folks!
(The band plays a few short, enthusiastic chords; DANCERS rush to center and wave to the audience enthusiastically. They are dressed like teenagers from the '50's, '60's, and '70's. DANCERS then retreat to the sides of the stage.)
EMCEE: Now let's meet our first contestant! He's a charismatic legal services executive director who's not afraid to make those big decisions...please welcome Elvis Shen-Jaffee!
(ELVIS enters from R, sauntering and waving to his fans. The DANCERS go nuts for him, clapping, screaming, fainting, etc.)
ELVIS:(Acknowledging the dancers' response) Thank you. Thank you very much.
EMCEE: Elvis, it's great to see you here.
ELVIS: Thank you. As you can tell, rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.
EMCEE: And what will you be presenting for us this evening?
Elvis: Well, it's all there in my supporting documentation--client demographic data, staffing, budgeting--but there's just one thing I'd like to add. It goes a little bit like this.(He sings to the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel")
Since reorganizing
Along the statewide plan
I'm takin' all of my funding from the LSC man
I'm so restricted, baby
I'm so restricted, baby
I'm so restricted, I could die.
So if you're needin' funding
Take a tip from me
If you take even one dollar from the ol' LSC
You'll be restricted, baby
You're so restricted, baby,
You're so restricted, you could die
(Several of the DANCERS faint and have to be carried to the sidelines by the others and fanned until they come to. Screams, cheers, applause.)
EMCEE: (Comes forward, shakes hands with Elvis) Thank you, Elvis Shen-Jaffee! Isn't he terrific, folks? Elvis, if you'll just wait over there with the other contestants, we'll announce the winners at the end.
Elvis: Thank you. Thank you very much. (crosses to contestant waiting chairs downstage R, sits.)
EMCEE: And let's see what our judges think so far. Good Fairies of Funding, how did Elvis do?
GOOD FAIRY 1: Well, it's a somewhat ambitious proposal, but it had a great beat; I think we can dance to it.
GOOD FAIRY 2: I think he's totally dreamy. I like that in a grantee.
GOOD FAIRY 3: I'm still reviewing his budget figures. But I'd give it at least an 82.
(EVERYONE freezes except JUDY, MICKEY, and DARLA, who enter hesitantly stage right.)
DARLA: Wow, Judy! Do you think we can ever beat that?
JUDY: I don't know, Darla! All we can do is try!
MICKEY: If only we had more help!
(Exit JUDY, MICKEY & DARLA. Everyone else unfreezes)
EMCEE: All right! Elvis Shen-Jaffee is already the one to beat! Let's waste no time in getting to our second applicant! They're a rising young group of pro bono coordinators who've been recruiting everyone with their catchy melodies and volunteer support systems... please welcome those lovable moptops, the Coordinettes!
(Enter the COORDINETTES, looking and acting like the early Beatles, carrying fake guitars. When they sing, they bend their knees and toss their head when they sing, like the early Beatles. They sing to the tune of "From Me To You". The DANCERS dance and display appropriate fan behavior.)
COORDINETTES:
If there's anything that you need
Just to take a case for free
Just call on me, and I'll send it along
with love to you from me
I got everything that you need
Like mentors and CLE
Just call on me, and I'll send it along
With love to you from me
I got forms that you can fill out
And keep there by your side
You got ethics obligations
We'll keep them satisfied, OOH
So if clients are what you want
And pro bono is what you do
Just call on me, and I'll send them along
With love, from me to you
To you
To you
(The COORDINETTES do the Beatles' simultaneous bow, then go sit in contestant's chairs downstage R.)
EMCEE: All right! Let's hear it for the Coordinettes. Judges, What did you think?
GOOD FAIRY 3: The beat was a little slow, but I really like the way they network.
GOOD FAIRY 2: Well, I their haircuts are incredibly cute. I thought they were pretty groovy.
GOOD FAIRY 1: And their strategic planning process is totally boss! It's going to be a hard decision!
EMCEE: Well, let's see how our third applicant does. (enter MARLETHA and DON with a small table stage R) She's a courthouse facilitator, and it says here she's going to role play an actual interaction with a pro se litigant!
(Don sets up small table center, places papers on it.)
MARLETHA: That's right, Colleen. And I've brought along my friend Don to help. (She gestures to Don, who smiles & waves)
EMCEE: That's just great! Let's see your act.
MARLETHA: Ladies & Gentlemen, I'm going to show y'all just what it's like there in our county courthouse. Here comes a typical pro se litigant now!
DON: (rushes in, role playing, speaks to MARLETHA) Please, courthouse facilitator, you've got to help me! My wife has filed for divorce! There's a hearing next week and she wants five thousand dollars a month in maintenance! How can I respond to these papers she served me?
MARLETHA: (Sings to the tune of "Respect". During song, Don sways, snaps fingers, etc. The BAND sings the backup vocals indicated in parens.)
(Whoo)
What you want, baby I got it
(Whoo)
What you need, you know I got it
(Whoo)
All you're askin' is for a little Justice
(Just a little bit, just a little bit)
Little bit of justice
(Just a little bit, just a little bit)
(Whoo)
Ain't gone steer you wrong, while you're here
(Whoo)
Ain't gone steer you wrong, I got forms
(Whoo)
All you're askin is for a little justice
(Just a little bit, just a little bit)
Little bit of justice
(Just a little bit)
Ah, mister
(just a little bit)
(Whoo)
Ooh, you gave her all of your money
(Whoo)
but guess what? It's over now, honey
(Whoo)
All I want you to do right now is fill out these
(just a little bit)
And file this
(just a little bit)
Serve this one
(just a little bit)
And you keep this one
(just a little bit)
J-U-S-T-I-C-E
This is what it means to me
J-U-S-T-I-C-E
Take care of what folks need
(justice, justice, justice, justice)
Aaoow, little bit of justice
(justice, justice, justice, justice)
Aaoow, little bit of justice
Just, just just just just just just just JUSTICE!
(MARLETHA and DON bow & go sit downstage R in contestant's chairs.)
EMCEE: Wow! Let's keep an eye on them! Those courthouse facilitators have really been climbing the charts lately! Good Fairies of Funding, how do you rate them?
GOOD FAIRY 1: That's one solid grant proposal, Colleen! Rock on!
GOOD FAIRY 3: It's a creative us of limited resources, plus you can really dance to it!
GOOD FAIRY 2: And she's got the statistical data to back it up! I'd say she's a real contender!
(ALL FREEZE. MICKEY & Judy come onstage R.)
DARLA: Wow, Judy and Mickey! This is some stiff competition!
MICKEY: I don't know how we could ever win against these guys! We might as well just give up right now!
JUDY: Darla! Mickey! Don't say that! I've got an idea that can't be beat! Wait'll you hear it! Come on!
(MICKE, JUDY & DARLA rush off.)
EMCEE: Now our next group is really a class act--and they should know, they've been certifying class actions since the very beginning. Ladies and gentlemen, all rise for The Supremes!
(The SUPREMES enter in judicial robes & feather boas. They sing to the tune of "Stop in the Name of Love")
SUPREMES:
Estop! In the name of us!
Before you file that brief
Think it o-o-ver
Have we heard too much from you?
Think it o-o-ver
Haven't we been just with you?
Estop! In the name of us!
Before you cite that case
Think it o-o-ver
Is it really relevant?
Think it o-over
Can't you sit down and shut up?
STOP!
(DANCERS cheer madly.)
EMCEE: (coming up to Supremes) Well, Justices, it's clear you've a lot of fans here today. Anything you want to say to them?
HEAD SUPREME: You know, Colleen, getting to perform here for this wonderful wonderful conference really makes the whole Supreme Court gig seem worthwhile. Don't you agree, guys?
(Other SUPREMES nod in agreement.)
EMCEE: You're all certainly as lovely as you are impartial. It's just great to have you here. Come back anytime.
SUPREME: Thanks, Colleen. We'll be sure to do that.
(Supremes go to contestants' chairs downstage R.)
EMCEE: We've got one more act before we wrap up this fabulous evening of grant applications. These folks have come all the way from Karma County, wherever that is. Please welcome Mickey, Judy, and Darla!
(MICKEY, JUDY, and DARLA enter, hesitantly, from stage R. They are dressed in '60's tie-dye hippie clothes, headbands, etc.)
EMCEE: So, Mickey, Judy and Darla, where did you say you're from?
MICKEY: We're from Aquarius, Washington, in Karma County! I'm the pro bono coordinator; Judy is our legal aid attorney; and Darla is our county clerk!
EMCEE: And what will you be presenting to us tonight?
JUDY: Well, uh, Colleen, we have a really great partnership for justice back home in Karma County. But when we heard all those other terrific grant applications, we realized that we can't sing this song just by ourselves. We need everybody--the rural offices and the statewide programs, the courthouse facilitators, the judges, and the bar associations! We're all in this together, and we can't do it alone!
DARLA: So we'd like to ask all the other contestants if they'd consider becoming strategic partners in our grant application and join us in this song!
EMCEE: Everyone together? It's never happened before. Contestants, What do you think?
(SUPREMES, COORDINETTES, ELVIS, DON, & MARLETHA look at each other, shrug & nod as if to say "Sure, Why not?" and come up on stage.)
EMCEE: Judges, Do you approve?
GOOD FAIRY 3: Colleen, we couldn't be happier!
GOOD FAIRY 2: Yes, if everyone works together then we'll finally be able to lift the curse!
EMCEE: The curse?
GOOD FAIRY 1: Yes, in 1981 a Wicked Witch placed a curse on Access to Justice that could only be lifted if everyone truly worked together.
GOOD FAIRIES: (Together) We've been waiting for you all to figure that out.
MICKEY: Then we can pay the mortgage on the Law Center!
DARLA : And save our program!
JUDY: But first, we do have to sing the song!
(All sing to the tune of "Age of Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In". Judy and Mickey start, all others join in, swaying back and forth. When "Let The Sunshine In" starts, Good Fairies of Funding join them, tossing money over their heads and to the dancers and the crowd.)
JUDY, MICKEY, & DARLA:
When the courthouses are bursting
And litigants are all pro se
then we must work together
And soon we'll clear the way
ALL:
This is the partnership for Access to Justice
Access to Justice
Justice, Justice
Work for justice
Work for justice now
For justice now
Fight for justice
Fight for justice here
for justice here
Sing for justice
Sing for justice now
For justice now
(During the song DANCERS, singers, everyone mingles, throws confetti, etc. SCENE CHANGER comes to center stage with a sign reading 'JUST THE BEGINNING...' At final chord, all bow and exit through the audience.)
finis
