A Drowning Lawyer Gets a Second Chance
By Dick Manning
His eyes were watery and bloodshot. He had a two-day growth of beard. His hands trembled as he lit a cigarette and then picked up his mug of coffee. It was only mid-afternoon as we talked across his dining room in a beautifully kept home in an upscale neighborhood in Bellevue.
Bill was a senior partner and a well-known lawyer in one of the country's oldest and most reputable litigation firms. I had met Bill shortly after I started practicing law in the 60s. His reputation for professionalism and skill was something to be reckoned with. Now he sat before me, his life in a shambles. The odor of alcohol was on his breath. His wife of some 35 years had left him two weeks before. He had not been to his office in more than two weeks and would not return his partners' or his clients' phone calls. He was obviously deeply depressed, yet could not understand why his family and his partners were making such a fuss over his drinking. After all, he had worked very hard (and very successfully) for many years and was certainly entitled to some rewards and relaxation.
Just a "Social Drinker"
Bill had consumed alcohol all of his adult life --- as he put it, just a social drinker like so many of his colleagues. At first, just a highball or two before dinner; then an occasional one or two at lunch besides. As he prospered and the children grew up and left home, some wine with dinner (besides the highballs before and the "wet lunch" earlier in the day).
By the time I met with Bill, he was drinking after dinner and reaching for a drink any time of day when he needed it to steady his trembling hands. Bill was confused: he thought his "social drinking" was no different than so many of his contemporaries in the profession. Yet their wives had not left them, their partners were not trying to reach them at home, and they didn't look or feel lousy. Unlike so many of his contemporaries, Bill would not admit --- could not admit --- that he could not stop drinking once he started.
The WSBA Lawyers' Assistance Program had asked me as a peer counselor to contact Bill because of his partners' plea for help. It was no coincidence that I knew him. Back in the early 60s when I first started doing trial work, there were only 1200 lawyers in King County, and members of the trial bar were pretty well known to each other. What could be done to save Bill? Not only was he deeply depressed, but his partners and his wife thought he was suicidal.
From experience, I knew that for every person I've dealt with suffering from drug or alcohol dependency, denial is the hardest obstacle to overcome. The bait to overcome this obstacle is hope. We talked for hours. We talked about the good old days. We talked about lawyers we knew. We told war stories. And we talked about the many hundreds of lawyers from this area who went to treatment and joined twelve-step programs and then began to enjoy the good life. Without drugs. Without alcohol.
The "Right Answers"
Bill's shell of denial began to crack. His resistance weakened. I picked up the phone and called an inpatient treatment center in Central Washington (one of the many excellent treatment centers located in the state) and was connected to its director, a long-time boating buddy of mine. He could take Bill in for treatment in two days. Bill wanted to ask him some questions ("Dick, I'm not going to give up smoking. I don't want to be with a bunch of unemployed people. Will there be professional people there --- like me?"). Bill got the "right" answers to his questions. Two days later he was met at the airport by a treatment center automobile and driven to its facilities --- a homey but sprawling ranch-like setting.
Bill had been seduced --- and now he was in treatment. But would it take? He could walk out any time. I had to find out how he was doing. Two weeks into his treatment, I drove over to the treatment center and spent a Friday afternoon with him. There was still a slight tremor to his hands, but his eyes were clear, his color was good, and his attitude about his old ways was changing. But he still had a long way to go.
Sometimes Rocky, Sometimes Smooth
A year and a half later, I am happy to report that the dreams of his wife and family, his partners, and even some of his own dreams have come true. It was a rocky road back. When Bill got out of treatment, he was told that for him, the only way to stay sober was to go to twelve-step meetings. He started meetings and then he stumbled. The first time he drank again, all the old bad feelings came flooding back. He started going to meetings again, but with a new resolve and determination. He did what others at the meetings told him to do. Today, Bill has celebrated the first birthday of his new life. He shares the warmth and affection of his family, friends and partners who had worried so much about him for years. He has regained the esteem of his colleagues, and most important of all, he has found through his twelve-step program that happiness is a journey --- not a destination. He lives without the anxiety, fear and depression the alcohol had always left him with when the high had worn off. He also knows that the road to recovery is sometimes rocky, sometimes smooth, but always never-ending.
In Bill's case, all this came about through the intervention of the WSBA Lawyers' Assistance Program (LAP). The LAP's progenitor was the King County Bar Association Fitness Committee, started by Jack Hepfer, a now retired Safeco counsel, more than 20 years ago. LAP, like the old Fitness Committee, takes referrals and quietly and confidentially meets the needs of lawyers (and judges) who are suffering from chemical dependency, depression and other mental or emotional problems. The program has its own in-house staff of certified counselors who can evaluate and diagnose these kinds of problems. It then undertakes counseling or, if appropriate, refers them out for private treatment or therapy. LAP relies on a large cadre of lawyers (like myself) who have been trained as peer counselors. Peer counselors are often the ones who make the first initial direct contact with the suffering lawyer.
Confidentiality
Did you know that LAP has enabled literally hundreds of "Bills" to seek treatment and recover from their illness? Did you know that contrary to many lawyers' and judges' perceptions, more than 70% of all referrals and diagnoses deal with depression and other mental and emotional problems --- not drug and alcohol problems? Did you know that the communication between a lawyer (or judge) seeking help from LAP is protected by the same medical privilege that patients have with their physician or psychologist?
Most importantly, do you know a lawyer or judge who needs help? If so, please call LAP at (206) 727-8268. Your call will be confidential.
Originally printed in the Washington State Bar News, August 1995.
