July 1999

So You Wanna Sue the Soccer Bully?

by Sherrie Bennett, Editor

It was the kind of weather even a die-hard soccer mom dreads. The rain came down sideways across the field and collected in big puddles, which the young players gleefully plowed through. It was so cold that any feeling in my extremities was a distant memory. As I contemplated whether it would be child abuse to hose down the very muddy children before allowing them back into the car, my 10-year-old son announced that he wanted to sue the player from the other team who had pushed, kicked and otherwise bullied his way to victory. Before my cold-numbed brain could connect with my mouth, my 12- and nine-year-olds launched into a sophisticated discourse on why a lawsuit against the soccer bully was a bad idea. How would he prove his allegations, when all the other players wouldn’t want to get involved? How had he been damaged? Wouldn’t he need to schedule some visits with a doctor to document his mental anguish? And hadn’t he been contributorily negligent in mouthing off to the bully? As I listened to the legally accurate analysis more appropriate to a law office than the back seat of a soccer mom’s car, I couldn’t help wondering if the conversation might have taken a different turn had the children involved not been the offspring of lawyers.

While most of the time I would like to think that being a lawyer has a positive effect on my children, I also have days when I wonder if there are harmful effects as well. Are your children impacted by your choice of profession? Here’s a little quiz to find out — examples gleaned from the lawyer parents I know:

Does your four-year-old give Miranda warnings to his teddy bear when cookies are discovered missing from the jar?
Does your child complain that her First Amendment rights have been violated when you punish her for swearing?
Are your children the only kids on the block who lecture the other bike riders on the dangers of not wearing bike helmets?
Do your children always sit in the back seat of your vehicle for fear of being suffocated by an expanding airbag?
Has your son told his grandmother that he wants to be "a client" when he grows up?
Have you overheard your child explaining to her baseball teammates that the letters "PLLC" after your firm name on the team jerseys stand for "Please Leave Lotsa Cash"?
Does your son secretly make fun of his friend who thinks a tort is a little pie?
Do your children think insurance companies are a hotter investment than Internet startups?Do your children refer to your trial briefcase as "Mom’s big purse" and appear horrified when an unini-tiated person suggests it might be left in the car temporarily?
Does your son complain that it’s not "equitable" for him to have to clean his room when his brother doesn’t have to?
Do your children employ mediation negotiation techniques on you when discussing their curfews?
Does your child ask "Where’s the evidence?" when confronted with the suggestion that she broke your wife’s favorite vase?
Have you overheard your teenager explaining the intricacies of search and seizure law to her friends?
Do your children analyze in agonizing detail all the alternatives available to them in a particular dilemma?
Does your son charge his siblings the current statutory interest rate when they borrow money?

Undoubtedly, you’ve had your own experiences in realizing that your children pay more attention to what you say and do than might be indicated by their non-response to your questions while glued to their favorite TV show. They really are listening and absorbing your attitudes and feelings regarding lawyering and how lawyers interact with their clients and other members of society. Whether they think lawyer jokes are funny, or a grossly distorted insult to a noble profession, hinges on their take on your own perceptions of the daily tasks of law work. Do you pay attention to what you tell your kids about how lawyers interact with others? Are you instilling basic ethical values in your offspring, or reinforcing the truth of those lawyer jokes? Whether or not you’re alert to the fact of your role modeling, your children will learn from your actions and words what it’s like to be a lawyer. So what do you want them to be telling your grandchildren?

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