October 2000

How to Understand Your  Anger

by Jean L. Johnson
Clinical Social Worker, WSBA Lawyers’ Assistance Program

There is a prevailing theme in the cultural wind these days — the advantage of being emotionally adept. This theme recognizes that our emotions contain wisdom, provide direction, and will deepen and enrich life’s meaning, if we attend to them with intelligence and responsible expression. The far-reaching benefits that you derive from being skilled in this area — how it enhances and deepens life’s experiences in both your professional and personal life — have been expounded on from practical, philosophical, psychological and medical points of view. In legal journals of late there has been an emphasis on collegiality, civility, professionalism, and general concerns over an absence of "order in the court." As a therapist with the Lawyers’ Assistance Program, I often hear lawyers lament over the level of rancor and truculence experienced in their encounters with professional peers. The dispiriting and corrosive nature of such behavior has been a determining factor in the departure of some lawyers from the profession altogether.

A constant factor amidst all this, whether addressed head on or gently alluded to, is anger, that often misunderstood emotion that resides within us all. Numerous books have been written on the subject. Manuals and books dealing with mental health, self-improvement, and office management offer at least a chapter on anger (or a thinly veiled synonym/euphemism). There are classes and programs solely devoted to the "management" of anger.

Unless human nature is to be fundamentally altered, this age-old emotion is a reality we will always have to contend with. It is important to examine the type of relationship you have with anger. Do you nurture and relish it, enjoy the rush of fanning the flames of your own rage, avoid or deny the anger you feel, manipulate others with your anger? What are we supposed to do with this unwieldly, terrifying, mystifying, energizing, paralyzing, empowering, shaming state of mind? Have you ever wondered why you get angry in the particular way that you do? It is often chalked up to temperament, or more broadly, basic physiological instinct and hardwiring. Thankfully, it is not that simplistic and ironclad. This is good news, because chronic anger and frequent raging outbursts are potentially life-threatening, and may contribute directly to heart disease and immune suppression. The presence of anger can alienate others, jeopardize your professional reputation, and leave you feeling out of control.

First, let’s acknowledge that anger is a very complex, varied and normal human mind/body state. The raw material is your physiology, which at the most primitive level, is conditioned to fight or flee in response to perceived danger. Anger is nature’s very necessary gift designed to set off an alarm and motivate the body to take an action against a threat or challenge and ultimately ensure your survival. Your own particular innate temperament that involves your sensory threshold and resulting tolerance level is also biologically based. However, lest we assume we’re all destined (or doomed) to either rant our way through life, or alternatively, kick back and let come what may, the acquisition of our anger style takes place in a very interactive social context. As human cognitive intricacies are factored into the equation, we can begin to appreciate why this emotion is understood and dealt with in such a variety of ways. At its very core, anger is about perceived unfairness and injustice, whether involving the mundane annoyance of the phone system not working, or as fundamental as the perception of not being regarded as worthwhile.

We reside in an individualistic society, where collectively valued norms and beliefs indirectly condone aggression in pursuit of individual rights. Our capitalistic, free enterprise system promotes competition rather than cooperation. Emphasis on productivity and "making it to the top" with material wealth as an indicator of success and significance has seeped into the legal profession. Many are concerned that this honorable, service-oriented legal profession has lost some of its luster, and appears to have incorporated the pervasive business "bottom line" of monetary return.

Media influence is a powerful mechanism in the transmission of messages that condition us and our children to attitudes and acts of violence. Through the conduits of TV, movies, music and video games, American culture is modeling numerous forms of violence. This continuous onslaught tends to desensitize us, increasing our tolerance of the abuse we experience, observe, hear, or carry out against others. It is embedded in the foundation of our society, transforming violent behavior into something acceptable and normative.

Childhood experience may play a crucial role in developing a pattern of anger. The person prone to be most volatile and reactive (vulnerable to emotional flooding), with very meager anger management skills, is the individual whose family was verbally or physically abusive during their childhood and adolescence. A very different situation is that of growing up in a family where anger is considered an unacceptable emotion, and consequently is never allowed to be expressed, providing no opportunity for children to learn constructive ways to modulate and effectively express human emotions. Both environments send young adults into the world ill-equipped to manage and demonstrate anger in constructive ways.

Jerry Deffenbacher, a psychologist with expertise in anger management, described the phenomenon of the anger arousal sequence at a recent seminar for health professionals. Most angry episodes take place in a social context. A trigger event gets filtered through you — that elegant mix of innate physiology and socialization — overriding cultural norms of accepted public behavior. Think of yourself as a human filtering system. If you’re generally laid back, then you may be only mildly annoyed with an interaction. If you have a "short fuse," that same interaction could move you quickly into a "flashpoint" stage. Your present emotional state also influences the consequent level of anger that occurs. Your threshold of tolerance is lowered if you’re already angry and will facilitate an increase of anger at the next provocation. Other negative states such as being cold, tired, embarrassed, anxious, depressed, frightened or ashamed will increase the likelihood of anger.

Let’s examine some of the more enduring (not endearing) characteristics that contribute to our filtering system. If you operate in the world with values, expectations and standards that tend to be rigid, perfectionist, narrow in scope of acceptance, and that fuel the need to be right, you are vulnerable to anger, and very likely to live in a chronic state of agitation.

Events that evoke a dramatic reaction, often out of proportion to the present situation, may be due to triggered memories, associations and emotions of past significant, often traumatic, experiences that surge to the forefront. Characteristics that are reminiscent of a prominent person in your past (e.g., an abusive or critical parent) can bring about an angry response.

The appraisal process describes how you think about the trigger. If the triggering event is interpreted as a violation, transgression, or as something that is blocking your goals, and then you add the attribution of intent to the volatile mix, you’re primed for anger. Blame is that disastrous combination of two bad ideas — "someone is at fault" and "they’re going to pay." Another popular way of justifying your anger is the notion that "nothing bad should ever happen to me." Continuous ruminating about an unpleasant event or person sustains anger, and can keep it alive for years! In fact, anger is often a defense for more primary feelings that exist beneath the surface, such as fear, sadness, profound disappointment and jealousy.

Anger runs along an emotional continuum, from annoyed to enraged. Initially there is a flood of internal activity. Our physiology engages the fight-flight response, and we experience significant activation — rapid breathing, red face, neck ache, blood flowing to the muscles and away from the outer limbs. The cognitive portion of the anger response presents powerful images, memories, and fantasy ideas that involve learned perceptions and interpretations to the triggering event.

None of this, however, predicts what you may do with anger. This is where the shaping influence of your life experience and the fascinating complexity of human behavior is so dramatically illustrated. One style is "holding it in" while seething inside with an array of critical, hostile fantasies. This is not only unproductive, but also leaves you vulnerable to immune suppression.

Another style is acting out anger with physical aggression toward a person, or targeting the environment (slamming doors, throwing and smashing things). Shouting matches and the use of a denigrating tone and contemptuous words can function as a verbal assault. Venting your anger was at one time promoted in some therapeutic circles as an effective cathartic release. In fact, venting further escalates anger and prolongs the agitated mood and accompanying chemical bath, causing many to experience a feeling of being overwhelmed, out of control and having lowered self-esteem.

Passive-aggressive anger is considered by many as the worst guise of anger, particularly when they are on the receiving end! You recognize the frustration you feel when you suspect someone is intentionally inefficient or is obstructing your efforts by not doing their share of the work. Negativism, sullen or irritable demeanor, and the tendency to blame others typically accompany this particular mode of anger. A hallmark of this style is that it is often subtle, so the recipient can’t always come up with definitive proof. The classic passive-aggressive retort or intimation is, "I don’t have a problem. You must be the one with the problem!"

The non-verbal aggressive stance, with its use of body language, stares and glares is equally ineffective, because it doesn’t confront the situation directly and honestly.

The following list underscores the scope of destructive outcomes that unmanaged anger can cause.

• Fosters the engagement in impulsive, risky behaviors — drinking and other substance misuse, driving fast, etc.

• Interpersonal violence and consequent relationship repercussions, both professionally and personally.

• High blood pressure.

• Heart disease.

• Immune-suppression response; increased vulnerability to illness.

• Physical injury.

• Property damage.

• Legal problems.

• Internal experiencing of shame, stupidity, being out of control; perception by others that you are unprofessional.

It is worth noting that a lawyer’s professional formalized training promotes a mind set that contributes to black and white thinking — winning or losing, allowing little room for the complexities, absurdities and gray areas of real life. The battle mentality heightens the intensity of feelings and perpetuates the belief that one can potentially control the outcome. Anger and aggression can be viewed in the legal arena as an asset — a part of one’s arsenal, but this is all accomplished at considerable physical and psychological cost to an individual.

Heighten your self-awareness and develop techniques for managing anger by increasing your sensitivity and attention to anger triggers (those predictable situations and people that have been conditioned to raise your ire automatically), your typical (conditioned) response, and the consequences of particular expressions of anger. Appreciate the powerful influence of your thoughts and become attuned to how certain thoughts and ways of thinking "fan the flames." Explore possible errors and biases you may have, and develop new cognitive responses that are believable to you. Acknowledge that you are sad, fearful or hurt. In the process, the anger will diminish.

Make an effort to slow down. Become a better observer and create a disconnect of the automatic anger response. Defuse your anger by jumping on and challenging the thoughts that trigger your first infusion of anger. Timing is crucial. The anger response can be short-circuited early on with ameliorating appraisal of the situation. ("They must be having a bad day.") Do this before acting on your anger and you’ll successfully avoid potentially destructive or humiliating consequences.

Utilize time-outs. Allow yourself both physical and temporal distance from a provocation by leaving the situation or tabling the discussion, allowing you the necessary time to calm down. Be in a controlled state of mind as you approach the person or situation. Appreciate the fact that physiologically you are under the influence of powerful chemicals, where cognitive agility is lowered and judgment is clouded.

Lawyers are often in a unique position, as professional responsibilities place them in a context which, by its very nature, is litigious and combative and where anger can be utilized as a manipulative device to influence a legal outcome. Hostility and a contemptuous demeanor can be "tools of the trade," used in a Machiavellian manner to obtain a desired result in situations where your leaving is not an option. How do you remain even remotely under control while being berated or provoked by a contentious foe? Again, attempt to monitor your reaction, become the observer, and step out of the battle. Tell yourself that contemptuous tactics do not emanate from a position of strength, since people who resort to aggressive behavior often feel threatened and in danger. Have a repertoire of palliative activities available such as taking a walk or talking to a friend in the face of frustration or agitation. It may not entirely eliminate all the angst, but can help you tolerate what’s going on.

Consider the "biology of your beliefs" — that what you believe has a direct relationship to your chemistry and consequent impact on your immune and cardiovascular systems. Examine the thoughts, beliefs and expectations that promote your hostility and impatience. Cynical mistrust is the mental state worthiest of change. It is deemed to be the most corrosive, destructive mindset in perpetuating a chronic state of anger. Not withstanding the potentially lethal health risks, life with anger as a familiar companion is a grim and lonely existence. Give renewed emphasis to the virtues of tolerance, acceptance and endurance.

Conduct self-dialogue that includes age-old adages: This too shall pass; life is messy, unfair and sometimes painful; terrible things happen to good people. Holding onto anger can be an effort (often on an unconscious level) to punish those who have hurt you. Others may barely take notice, but it will always be detrimental to you. Many have wasted their lives by allowing themselves to be consumed with the need for retribution. Loosen the grip and let it go.

Remain cognizant of the ever-increasing knowledge base we have on human anger and the specific skills to manage it. If you incorporate the healthy tenets for living your life described above, there will be little room for anger to run amok. Stay engaged in life. Invest time in relationships and select healthy people as your friends. Promote and practice self-acceptance (including those pesky negative qualities). In the process it allows compassion and empathy to flow a little more easily as it relates to acceptance of others. Finally, eradicate chronic self-blame, negative expectations, cynicism and distrust. They are terrible for your body, mind and soul. Life is precious and far too short to allow it to be mired in anger, an emotion that was designed for purposes of survival. It is our ally only if understood and used wisely.

For more information about the programs offered through the Lawyer Services Department, please call Zella Ozretich at 206-727-8268.

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