April 2002

Poetry

SETTLEMENT

by  Dan Caine

After much preparation, caterwauling and more,

Smith Co. v. Jones Inc. has come on before

A capable Mediator who's striving to find

An effective combination to put this lawsuit behind —

Not only the parties — but the lawyers as well;

It's the last hope for ending this "Spite Case From Hell."

After opening comments — which end very soon,

She installs each party in its own separate room.

"Tell me your story," she asks each in turn,

Trusting that by sifting the rankle she'll learn

The key to extinguishing this long-simmering burn.

"This cannot continue," the Defendant cried.

"They're bleeding us, sure, that can't be denied; but

Such liars and scoundrels one just can't abide!"

"This has to be finished!" the Plaintiff exclaims.

"At this rate we're winning only anger and blame;

They're thieves and villains without any shame!"

Counsel exhort their clients along:

"We can't go first; You must stay strong;

The first sign of weakness will be pounced upon.

Our remedy lies with the court; you'll see.

There we can forge complete victory!"

While each party listens to its lawyer's spiel,

The Mediator calmly tries to focus a deal.

Each CEO says: "I'm outraged! This is unreal, but

I can't bet the company on some judge's wheel!"

As emotions reverse (they invariably do),

The litigants demand vindication too.

It's not good enough only to win,

There must be the other's annihilation.

At that point the counselors invert the prism.

Joining the search to end this schism;

Soon the Genie emerges from out of the mist,

And words once despised, and earlier dismissed,

Now hit like a bolt through the wall of resentment:

"Its time to explore our options for settlement."

"If they will give 'X,' then we can give 'Z';

That's a win for each side — surely they'll see!

But they must go first; we'll demand that they do.

Only then can we maintain the proper view.

We'll stay on the High Road whatever transpires,

And won't let them drag us down into the mire.

If a deal with the Devil can end this mess,

Get it done, and let's get back to normal business."

"But no more than an inch; that would only encourage

New blackmail from them, which we must discourage.

And no matter what, if it's not finished today,

We take it to court and go all the way.

Damn the result, whatever the cost.

None will remember who won or who lost; but

We'll have made our best shot, and no one can blame us

For the ultimate outcome, however infamous!"

Like winds shifting through wheatfields,the rhetoric plays;

Back and forth 'til the combatants, exhausted, each say

To the Mediator: "Enough! Let's get out of this pickle."

So the lawyers write it, and the clients initial,

The Mediator nods and blesses the ritual.

Next the Judge approves, then seals it all up,

So none can assess who came out on top.

Each can move on, yet both claim the win;

After all, neither side cares to makes amends;

Settlement doesn't mean that we'll all just be friends.