December 2002

Unemployment and the Modern Lawyer

by Rebecca Nerison, Ph.D.

Except in rare circumstances, losing a job hurts. A lot. It's one of the things we fear the most and for good reason — the loss usually implies financial difficulty. Recent graduates who can't find work feel the same pain. Some never recover, financially or emotionally.

I've talked to many people in these circumstances over the past five years. Since the problem doesn't seem to be going away, I thought I'd share my observations on why unemployment is so painful, and offer some suggestions about coping with the condition should it afflict you or someone you care about.

The obvious reason unemployment hurts is that lack of income threatens survival. Stretch back in memory to Psychology 101 and Abraham Maslow's theory of motivation, expressed in his triangle-shaped hierarchy of needs. The triangle's base comprises physiological and safety/security needs fundamental to a person's physical survival in the world. These include food, shelter, clothing, and a sense of being protected from threatening people or circumstances. In Maslow's theory, these basic needs must be met before the higher needs can be addressed, including (in order of ascendancy) love/affiliation, esteem/recognition, the need to know and understand, aesthetic needs, self-actualization (self-fulfillment; realizing your potential), and transcendence (helping others find self-fulfillment and realize their potential).

Considering this hierarchy, you can see why it's difficult to enjoy a forced time-out and to start that novel you've always been meaning to write. If survival needs are threatened, it's nearly impossible to pursue self-actualization.

In our culture, well-being depends on money. For most of us, our personal income ensures that we have enough to eat, a place to live, safety (to some degree), and access to medical care. It's easy enough to see that when income and savings are threatened, fear quickly dominates.

Fear ranges from the discomfort of mild anxiety to the desperation of heart-stopping panic, with many gradations in between. A modicum of fear is a good thing, because it motivates us to get off the couch and do what's necessary for our survival. But too much fear can lead to paralysis, which explains why some people become unable to keep looking for work when they really need to. (A sense of hopelessness related to clinical depression can contribute to paralysis as well, but that's another article.)

For most of us, physical survival isn't threatened when unemployment hits, at least not at first. We probably have a safety net in the form of family, friends, savings or investments, or a spouse's income that will protect us from starvation and homelessness. But the size of our net depends on a lot of things, some of which are beyond personal control. Prolonged unemployment for even the thriftiest among us eventually can trigger a financial free-fall.

We see then that lack of predictable income threatens our sense of survival and security, which in turn triggers fear. Normally, the fear will be more or less proportional to the threat, unless it takes on a life of its own in the form of a clinical anxiety disorder. Our goal is to keep fear at an optimal level — enough to motivate but not enough to paralyze.

There are some less-obvious consequences to unemployment that can be nearly as debilitating as fear. Feelings of loss, shame and blame are probably the most difficult to cope with because they often reside a layer or two beneath the surface of awareness.

More often than not we experience losing a job as just that — a loss — even if we feel some relief from stress or unhappiness that the job may have caused. The magnitude of loss depends on our need for the income, our attachment to the job, and its meaning in our lives. Most jobs are a mixed bag of good feelings (a sense of achievement and accomplishment, affiliation with co-workers, earning money) and bad feelings (pressures to produce, fatigue, performance anxiety). Even if the job's only virtue was the income it produced, we are likely to experience a feeling of loss once it's gone.

Recall the stages of grief you learned about in Psych 101 (see how useful that course turned out to be?). Grief is the feeling most associated with loss, and people who lose their jobs often respond in the same way as people who lose someone or something precious to them.

The first stage of grief is denial. We are in shock. "This can't be happening to me." The second stage is anger. "Why me?" We direct blame or resentment at others. (Some people get stuck and stay here for years.) Third comes bargaining. "If I could just get my job back, then I'd be a model employee, bill 80 hours a week," whatever. Fourth is depression. "This feels terrible and it always will." Finally comes acceptance. "It happened, this is what I've learned about myself, and now I'm moving on."

As you probably remember, the stages of grief are theoretical; not everyone resolves a loss successfully by moving smoothly and sequentially through them. The model can be helpful, however, as a way of thinking and working through painful feelings that crop up and threaten to derail our ability to get on with our lives after a loss.

Perhaps even more difficult than the sadness of grief is the sting of shame. A feeling of shame often accompanies the loss of a job, especially for highly educated professionals like lawyers. Shame involves not just a sense of personal failure, but also a sense that who you are is somehow flawed or not good enough.

It's difficult to avoid stepping on the landmine of shame, particularly if the employer has failed to provide clear, descriptive information about the lawyer's specific performance. Sadly, this is often the case. In the absence of data, the fired lawyer too often concludes that he is a flawed human being who simply isn't cut out to be a lawyer. From someone else's perspective, he might conclude more accurately that the job was not a good fit for his level of skill and experience, or that the employer lacked the skill and commitment to communicate expectations and requirements effectively — all too common, as well.

And then there's blame. If a lawyer feels unjustly let go, anger will be his predominant reaction. Blaming others for a poor outcome is a natural human tendency and can be part of a normal grieving process (stage two of grief resolution). Beyond a certain point, however, anger and blame become counterproductive and even destructive. Ongoing righteous indignation blinds us, rendering us unwilling or unable to examine our contribution to an outcome. This constitutes a failure to take responsibility for ourselves, and results in untold suffering and paralysis.

First, if you find yourself mired in fear, sadness, shame or anger — for whatever reason — get some help. This is what professional counselors are for. If you've been struggling with these feelings for some time, you may have developed a clinical depression or anxiety disorder, which should definitely be treated by a professional. In addition to counseling or psychotherapy, make use of all the social support you can muster from your family and friends. A natural tendency for many lawyers in these circumstances is to withdraw from others. Don't do it. If your friends and colleagues avoid you because you're unemployed and they're afraid it will rub off, get new ones. If they avoid you because you're unpleasant to be around, do something about it.

Second, get some help with financial planning and debt management. Call Consumer Credit Counseling (800-634-2227) or your financial planner. Work with your family so that everyone has the information they need to make informed choices while you are unemployed. Avoid running up new debt if at all possible.

Third, increase your tolerance for ambiguity. Many lawyers are not good at this. Here's an opportunity that may not come along again — hopefully not in this form, anyway. Increased tolerance for ambiguity makes you more flexible and more likely to be(come) a happy, healthy human being.

Fourth, rethink your goals. If you've been miserable in your last few jobs, maybe you're really not cut out to be a lawyer, or at least the kind of lawyer you've been. This can be a very painful conclusion to draw after the hefty investment you've made in your career. There is no shame in this, unless of course you persist year after year at what is for you a soul-numbing job. Now that's a shame.

Finally, practice positive psychology. Studies show that it is more important to avoid pessimism than it is to boost optimism. Translation: It is more important to avoid negative thinking patterns that make you feel more scared, sad or angry (e.g., "Nothing is ever going to work out for me …") than it is to chant affirmations. There's nothing wrong with affirmations, of course; sometimes we actually can talk ourselves into feeling better. However, it may be more useful to simply tell yourself the positive side of the truth, which probably sounds something like this: "This really hurts, and I don't know where this new road is leading. But I still have some things going for me (list these here) and I'm going to make the most of what I have." And then proceed to do so.

I hope you never find yourself unemployed against your will. We don't like to think of ourselves as vulnerable, so it's difficult to think about and to prepare for the worst that could happen. But it's a good idea nonetheless. The following suggestions are a place to start. If you manage to accomplish these three things, you might even get to retire early or on schedule!

First, reduce your debt. Creditors are the vultures that will come swooping down if you find yourself without resources for a significant period of time. The fewer vultures hovering above you, the easier you can breathe.

Second, increase your safety net. Work toward saving that six months of salary the experts say we should have stashed away. Then if the worst happens, you can delay panic significantly and with any luck forego it completely.

On the subject of lawyers' financial health, here's a frightening factoid related to me by a colleague. A loan-officer friend with a major bank in Boston was processing personal-guarantee applications for partners in law firms. He related that about half the applications supported a net worth of $50,000 or less, despite having consistent gross income over $300,000 per year. Astonishing? Yes. Appalling? Absolutely.

Third, take inventory of your skills and experience from time to time with an eye toward future employability. Don't allow yourself to be lulled into complacency; the world is changing at an amazing rate, and we can't always predict what will be needed in the future. But if you keep one eye on outer circumstances and the other on your skillset, you are less likely to be caught unaware and unprepared.

Life and business are uncertain, so it behooves us all to prepare for the worst and expect the best while we have the opportunity. And sometimes, bad things do happen despite our best efforts to avoid them. As the cognitive psychologists say, what's important is not so much what happens to us as how we interpret it. Job loss can result in soul-crushing crisis or in opportunity and new beginnings. It's largely your call.