In the not-too-distant future, Seattle's skid road might return to its roots

by WSBA Bar News Editor Michael Heatherly

Scene: A downtown Seattle street in the not-too-distant future. The economy has continued to deteriorate because of plunging property values and skyrocketing food and gasoline prices. Two mid-career lawyers, Max Billings and Cash Pyle, approach one another on the sidewalk. Both are wearing tailored Italian suits, but the fine wool is tattered and stained. Their hand-cobbled loafers are scuffed and reinforced with duct tape.

Pyle: Billings, is that you?

Billings: Pyle! I barely recognized you. How long has it been?

Pyle: Well, let's see. Last time we met, I still had the Lexus. So, that was a couple of years ago.

Billings: That Lexus was a sweet ride.

Pyle: Yeah, but I had to quit driving when the gas bills exceeded the loan payments. On the bright side, I was able to live in it for awhile after the house went into foreclosure.

Billings: Where are you living now?

Pyle: Under the viaduct between Yesler and Columbia.

Billings: That's a nice area, close to the ferry and all.

Pyle: Yeah, I'm in the third Frigidaire box on the left when you're facing north. How about you?

Billings: We've been staying in a stairwell at the Quest Field parking garage, but we're thinking about moving to Green Lake for the summer. The kids love the water. We have our eyes on a little equipment shed with a broken lock. Are you still at your firm?

Pyle: No, I got downsized a while back. Lately I've been playing the ukulele in front of Nordstrom and writing a few wills to make ends meet.

Billings: Well, at least you're keeping busy. I'm still at my firm, but they've really cut costs. I'm sharing my desk with an associate and two paralegals. Last week they sold the laser printers on Craigs-list and hired a scrivener — an obsessive-compulsive guy who was willing to work for free if we let him live in the broom closet.

Pyle: Where are you headed?

Billings: Starbucks! I've been saving up since Christmas for a latte. [Holds up a plastic shopping bag full of dollar bills.] Too bad they're back down to just the original store. It's kind of a hike from here.

Billings: I was able to wean myself off the lattes, but I tell you, I would trade my gold Montblanc for a bowl of good rice.

Pyle: [Motioning for Billings to move closer.] Look, I've got a connection. My guy is holding a couple pounds of basmati. I'm talking pure Ranbirsinghpura from Pakistan. You should see the grains on this sh*t. You put some red curry on that and you'll be flying high for hours, trust me.

Billings: Yeah, but how much?

Pyle: He's asking $1,200 an ounce.

Billings: That's too rich for my blood. I'm pretty much an Uncle Ben's guy these days.

Pyle: I feel your pain. Hey, I'd better let you go. But listen — stop by my place one of these days, okay? I bought a bottle of Thunderbird in January and I've been saving it for a special occasion.

Billings: I heard January was an excellent month for the fortified wines. I've always admired your taste, Pyle. Third Frigidaire box on the left, you said?

Pyle: That's the one. If I'm not there, look for the guy under the gray tarp by the dumpster. He used to be my investment adviser. He'll know where to find me.

The two men nod, part and go their separate ways. After a few steps, Billings stoops to pick up a nickel and a cigarette butt. He puts them in his pocket and continues toward Starbucks as Pyle disappears around a corner.

Bar News Editor Michael Heatherly practices in Bellingham and can be reached at 360-312-5156 or barnewseditor@wsba.org.