May 2009

Twelve Angry Twitterers

by Bar News Editor Michael Heatherly

In recent weeks, three large trials across the United States were disrupted because jurors used their mobile phones to research the cases or post messages about them on the Facebook and Twitter social networking sites. One case was declared a mistrial, wasting eight weeks of work. The others went to verdict, but lawyers for the losing parties are seeking to overturn them because of the jurors’ actions. Unless courts find a way to prohibit improper phone use by jurors, typical deliberations may soon go like this:

Juror 1: I’m surprised this even went to trial. The cops caught the guy with the gun and the bag of money two blocks from the bank. It’s a no-brainer.

Juror 5: You know, I’m not feeling all that sorry for the banks these days. Didn’t that bank get a bailout?

Juror 8: [pointing to iPhone on table] Yup. I Googled ’em. They got $14 billion of our tax dollars as a reward for wasting money on bad investments. I can hardly blame this guy for trying to get a little back.

Juror 1: Hey, wait. Judge Gruffenstern said we can’t do our own research. We have to stick to the evidence admitted in court.

Juror 6: [staring intently at the screen of his Blackberry] Did you guys know Judge Gruffenstern used to own a porno shop? At least that’s what it says here on www.gruffensternisacrook.com.

Juror 2: I don’t know about that, but the deputy prosecutor is a babe. Look at these MySpace pics. I’m sending a friend request right now.

Juror 1: Shouldn’t we be taking this more seriously?

Juror 8: I’m taking it seriously. I just don’t think it’s right we have to limit ourselves to what they give us in court. It seems like there wasn’t enough physical evidence. Don’t you watch CSI? If this guy really was at the bank, they should have found his DNA or something. They didn’t even have a decent 3-D computer reenactment, just some lame black-and-white security camera photo.

Juror 10: Almost all my Twitter followers think he’s guilty, but that’s mostly because of the dorky moustache. Hey, look! They finally got the TV news piece about the trial on YouTube.

[The others crowd around the tiny glowing screen of Juror 10’s phone.]

Juror 4: Wow, that makes it look like he really is guilty. See how his lawyer put his coat over the guy’s head when they walked him out of the courthouse? They always do that when the guy’s guilty.

Juror 7: According to Wikileaks, that defense attorney contributed to Ron Paul’s campaign. He’s probably one of those nutjobs who wants to go back to the gold standard. Whoa, maybe he was in on the robbery himself — you know, kind of a political protest thing. I’m totally posting this to my blog.

Juror 5: Hey, I voted for Ron Paul. Does that make me a bank robber, too? The gold standard isn’t looking like such a bad idea these days, dude.

Juror 1: OK, let’s calm down. How about if we take a first vote to see where everyone stands?

Juror 12: Oh yeah, let’s do an online poll! I’ve always wanted to do one of those.

Juror 1: No. I mean the 12 of us will just vote “guilty” or “not guilty” right here. We can raise our hands or do blind ballots.

[The other 11 jurors stare blankly.]

Juror 10: Ballots? You mean, like, write something on paper? Manually?

Juror 4: [her thumbs working feverishly on her phone’s miniature keyboard] This is a big decision. I really think I need input from my Facebook group.

[There is a knock at the door and the bailiff peeks in.]

Bailiff: Judge Gruffenstern wants to make sure you’re making progress in here.

Juror 1: Uh, yes, of course. We’re doing fine.

Bailiff: The judge needs to know as soon as you’ve reached a verdict.

Juror 1: Sure. Just give us his number and we’ll text him. 

Bar News Editor Michael Heatherly practices in Bellingham. He can be reached at 360-312-5156 or barnewseditor@wsba.org.