Volume XVI, Issue IV
December 2002

Dear Family Lawyer
A column answering family law questions

"Dear Family Lawyer" is prepared by the Family Law Section of the Washington State Bar Association. 

Dear Family Lawyer: I am trying to figure out a "style" of practice. How can I be touchy and feely and be Attila the Hun at the same time? - Searching for a Style

Dear Searcher:

It is wonderful that you are taking time to reflect on what type of attorney you want to be. It is a question that every good attorney should ask himself or herself. In law school, we concentrate on learning the law, but not on how we act when we apply it. A significant part of the art of lawyering lies within the question of what style of lawyer you want to be.

How you should behave before the court may be the easiest part to figure out. If you offend the Judge or Court Commissioner, you will lose credibility with the result that your client gets thumped. More than anything, to avoid that you will need to be honest with the court and follow the rules. If you feel a court treated you or your client unfairly, try looking at who you were to cause the court to act that way. The nice part about a result in court is that you often get some form of clear feedback from which you can learn. The feedback is not always as clear. For that reason, figuring out how to behave with clients and opposing counsel, with staff, and with colleagues is not always so easy. 

Some continuing legal education seminars provide tips on how to become the toughest advocate known to man. "Zealous" advocacy is the motto. But the Family Lawyer joins a growing chorus to challenge that model. "Zeal" – when misinterpreted as aggressively using the courts, beating up an opponent, or advocating a position regardless of the facts and the law – is often not be in the best interest of clients. Over the years, recognition of this has bred alternative dispute resolution programs, while "scorched-earth litigation" has become foresaken. Clients are looking for a resolution, and the calling of the lawyer is to help resolve their clients' problems. While pummeling your opponent may feel like a "win", it generally comes at a high cost to your client, may cause more problems for your client over the long-run, and leaves you with little after the "high" of the "win" has worn off. While there are times when a hardball approach is necessary, using such an approach with all cases and clients will probably spell financial and professional disaster for you. 

There is an inherent tension between trying to be a reasonable and compassionate person, a capable advocate, and an efficient practitioner. Because of this tension, even experienced lawyers often question their own style. They ask questions such as: "Have I been too accommodating?" "Was I too aggressive?" "Did my case strategy so polarize the parties that a negotiated resolution will be difficult?" "Should I have filed a motion instead of first trying to resolve an issue with opposing counsel?" "Should I have done things differently?" Perhaps all better lawyers ask themselves these questions. They recognize that they cannot grow as attorneys unless they examine their own actions, their own motives, and their own intentions. 

The Family Lawyer believes that you should be yourself instead of trying to adopt "a style". If you try to be someone else or try to adopt another's mannerisms or style, it will usually not be successful. Be yourself. This is simple in concept, but difficult in practice. It requires looking at who you are and accepting yourself for who you are. It takes much less effort to be yourself instead of trying to emulate someone else. Instead of using that bandwidth to emulate someone else, by being yourself you can free up that bandwidth to focus on your client's case.

That is not to say that you cannot learn from observing good lawyers. To the contrary. One federal judge had a saying that in dealing with others he would first give them sugar, then vinegar, then poison. In other words, we first try to resolve a problem with reason and accommodation before choosing other measures. If accommodation and reasonable resolutions cannot be reached, you can always still pull out the heavy guns. This was one lawyer's style, and you may want to look in yourself to see if that style might resonate with you. 

As with nearly everything else in life, when a client comes to your office with a case, you have choices. You don't always have do what others have told you is the "right" way to do things. For instance, it may be possible to settle the case immediately, simply by taking the initiative of listening and talking with the opponent. There is no law that says you have to file motions, do discovery, or do things the "usual" way. When faced with motion, you have choices. You can oppose any and all motions, just to oppose them. But you may wish to consider trying to reach a resolution by talking to you opponent. If you are unsuccessful, you can always still resort to the "usual" methods. In any event, you will want to give your client your best estimation of the likely outcome, the estimated time and cost, and some alternatives that can pursued. Then ask the client what he or she wants you to do.

As a lawyer who is trying to find your own style, it is important to take care of yourself. Pay attention to yourself and your own needs. Set appropriate boundaries for clients based on those needs. For instance, many lawyers will not regularly work evenings or weekends, because they believe that is contrary to their own well-being. There are many pressures and stresses in the practice of law, and you cannot perform to the best of your ability unless you take care of yourself. No one else will do it for you. 

We all need to adopt a style and a manner of practice that feels right. We can hone our skills where we feel weakest, but we also need to work to our strengths. Many years ago, when former Justice Vernon Pearson, already highly regarded, was in the twilight of his private law practice,. an attorney, who lost a bench trial to him, complained that darned Mr. Pearson could "out nice guy you" and, thus, hold sway over judge and jury. For Justice Pearson, it just came naturally. He was an able advocate for his client, but also very gracious and kind to both opposing counsel, to the court staff, and to the judges. It felt right to him. It was his style.

Good luck on your journey! 

-- The Family Lawyer

If you have a question you want answered in this column, send it to "Dear Family Lawyer", WSBA Family Law Section, 2101 Fourth Avenue, Suite 400, Seattle, WA 98121-2330.

"Dear Family Lawyer" is prepared for De Novo by the Family Law Section of the WSBA. Nothing in this column is an official opinion of the Family Law Section. To learn more about or to join the Family Law Section, go to Family Law.

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