Volume XIII, Issue VI
November/December 1999

A Call for Adoptions Attorneys Among Young Lawyers

by Lance Hester

Your fingers won’t have to walk very far through the Yellow Pages before you see that there aren’t many Young Lawyers practicing in the area of adoptions law. There is good reason for the shortage: you’ve got to know your stuff! You’ve got to have an interest in factors which go beyond the law; you’ve got to be sensitive to the highly emotional issues facing the parties; you’ve got to be able to convey discouraging news; you’ve got to deal with state social workers; and you’ve got to be effectively persuasive in court.

So in writing of my own recent experiences as a client, I very much hope to inspire at least a few Young Lawyers to explore doing adoptions work.

Our Story
My wife and I have been blessed with the most recent addition to our family, a baby boy named Brayden. We are proudly anticipating finalizing the adoption this month. He was introduced to the world on September 16. He has brought to our house joy beyond belief. He joins our 14 year-old kitty named Tia and 6-month old lab named Dakota.

A year ago we started looking into adopting a child. The concept seemed simple. The more we looked, however, the more choices, issues, time and money dilemmas appeared. We met with adoptive support groups. We went to an adoption fair. We talked with many couples who had adopted. And, we met with agency representatives.

Initially, we decided to pursue a Chinese adoption. We contacted an agency and completed the initial INS paperwork. But then in March my wife, Janelle, had a moment of "women’s intuition." She felt a stirring in her heart telling her to slow down the process. She wanted one more month to consider our options. Despite the fact that we had read every book and met with representatives and adoptive parents, I agreed.

Two weeks passed and out of the blue a friend of Janelle’s called. She told us of a couple who was recently married, currently pregnant, already had a total of six kids between the two of them, and had decided it would be in their child’s best interest to give it up for adoption. To make a long story short, we met with the couple twice, they chose us to be the parents of their child.

Listening to my wife’s heart-strings was the best thing I have done in a long time. The second best was that I hired an experienced, thorough, and very sensitive adoptions attorney to represent us throughout the complicated process of making Brayden our own.

[Editor’s note: anyone interested in obtaining the name and address of the attorney can contact Lance Hester at the Law Office of Monte Hester in Tacoma.] The books make it look simple. But there is a human side to the law when it comes to adoptions. So we hired an experienced adoption attorney. We were part of a fascinating process; our attorney navigated the course. Below is how things were done in our case in Pierce County. For the young lawyer interested in adoptions, I hope to encourage your interest by describing the process below. I hope that at least a few will seriously consider entering the world of adoptions law; and I hope that you will consult with an experienced attorney to serve as a mentor.

Normally both the adoptive parents and the birth parents are represented by separate counsel. In our case, the birth parents didn’t want to hire an attorney, and they didn’t want us to pay legal fees on their behalf. So we were the only side with representation. Our attorney’s services included counseling, court appearances, firm advocacy, and wise and prudent decision-making.

Counseling
It started with a phone call. My dad (my boss) recommended we call our chosen attorney shortly after we proudly announced to him that we hoped to become parents sometime in September. She talked with me for a good half-hour. She asked all about the birth parents. She asked about how we were introduced to them. She asked about me; and she asked about Janelle. She pointed out some of the encouraging issues that she noted; and she made me face up to the discouraging as well.

Later that week Janelle and I met with our attorney at her office. We had learned a little more about the birth parents; and we shared those things with her. She reinforced what I had learned in law school. In Washington state the birth mother can change her mind any time before the Order Terminating Parental Rights is entered; a judge is not allowed to enter such an order until 48 hours passes after the birth of the child.

This legal notion provoked lots of counseling. She discussed statistics on what types of birth mothers typically change their mind along the way. She cautioned us of the financial consequences should the birth mother change her mind. She forced us to confront issues of the possibility of birth defects and potential medical dilemmas. She was encouraging as to our particular birth mother’s situation (older than most; not her first child; no family to persuade her to keep it). But we left with the ultimate message that we were to a certain extent gambling at the prospect of becoming parents.

Janelle and I decided that we liked the 48-hour law. Our emotions didn’t like it; but it appropriately respects the rights of the birth mother and it clearly prevents a lot of litigation over innocent infant children. We decided that despite the risks, we still wanted to pursue the adoption.

From then on, we announced to our friends, family and acquaintances that we were "hopeful about becoming parents through an adoption." This one meeting had a lasting impact. We spent the next six months being secretly ecstatic; but at the same time we did all we could to keep our mind off of parenthood. We guarded our hearts in case the birth mother changed her mind.

Preemptive Pleadings
All of the pleadings and paperwork were prepared well before the anticipated birth date. Parental rights would be relinquished automatically following the 48-hour wait period unless the court heard from the birth parents otherwise.

The child was conceived a month or so prior to the birth parents’ marriage. The law presumes the husband the child’s biological father when a child is conceived during an intact marriage. Since this conception occurred outside of marriage, our attorney determined that we had to publish. Publication is normally done when a child is conceived and the birth mother does not know the father’s name and/or whereabouts. Ours was a touchy situation because publication could be construed to suggest that we thought the birth mother was lying about who the father was. It was also a potentially touchy subject because there is only one large publication of wide circulation in the region in which the birth parents live. Someone they knew would likely read it. Our attorney’s opinion, however, was that we had no choice. We had to publish - just in case. After a thoughtful but short talk with the birth parents, we had her publish. They knew it was coming; and they knew that the purpose was for the benefit of the child - to keep all potential claimants from trying to invalidate the adoption in the future.

Social Workers
The court relies on the work of state-approved social workers in determining the desires of the birth parents and whether those adopting are fit to parent a child.

The Home Study
Every couple adopting a child in Washington state must undergo a "home study." A social worker conducted a background check on Janelle and me. He received references from several friends who have witnessed us interacting with children and he visited us for a few hours in our home. During our visit he forced us to discuss issues of safety, discipline, family, community, education, income, and religion. It was an informal time, but resulted in a thorough report that was submitted to Pierce County’s Adoptions Coordinator. The coordinator then submitted it to the court.

Waiting
The birth mother invited Janelle to visit the doctor with her. She met the OB/GYN and received ultra-sound printouts. Our bonding with our child really began when we hung on our refrigerator the cute little picture of his profile with his little hand in his mouth.

We never asked what sex the child would be. We were well-advised by our attorney to let the birth mother handle her pregnancy on her own terms. It was clear that she was doing all that she could to distance herself from the child. She never asked what sex it was; she went to the doctor only when necessary; and she tried working as long into her pregnancy as she could manage.

Interpersonal Skills
The hospital where Brayden was born has a social worker of its own (separate from the one the court uses). Our attorney contacted the hospital with instructions for the way in which the birth should be handled (who had permission to be with the child; how long the child should remain in the hospital, etc.). This prompted events that we were sure would ruin the adoption.

The hospital social worker called the birth mother. She began prodding her decision to have her child adopted. She suggested that she believed her husband was abusive and even asked if she was "safe" in her home. She insisted the birth mother meet with her. The birth mother refused. The social worker then threatened that she would not approve of the adoption.

After being alerted to this by the birth mother, our attorney confronted the social worker. Clearly, they did not see eye to eye. Our attorney’s final words were that she felt, as a former adoptions social worker herself, that the hospital social worker needed to "BACK OFF"! She also noted that the birth mother had told her that she was considering obtaining a restraining order against the hospital social worker if she were to give her any further grief.

The social worker also contacted the birth mother’s OB/GYN. After a discussion similar to the one she had with our attorney, the doctor concluded the conversation by stating that the birth mother "is an adult" and that the social worker needed to "BACK OFF"!

That was the last anybody heard from the hospital’s social worker.

Money
A birth mother can ask for modest assistance from the adoptive parents for costs incurred during the pregnancy. The requests must be approved by the court. Our birth mother submitted only very small requests. Our attorney made it clear that she would only bring such requests once Janelle and I took legal custody because she refused to flirt with the appearance of "baby selling." A month or so after Brayden was in our home, our attorney took the request to the court.

The Hospital
Brayden was born one day later than what I had hoped for. He was born on a Thursday, which meant that the 48-hour wait-time would expire sometime on Saturday. This obviously meant that our attorney wouldn’t be able to get a judge to sign the papers giving us legal custody until the following Monday.

It was a long weekend. But in retrospect, it was one of the best weekends of my life. Janelle and I were alone with Brayden for nearly four days. Nurses attended to our every question. It was frustrating only showing him off through a window to the nursery. But, it was probably nice to not have the distractions of lots of company and visitors. We received our child less than a minute after his introduction to earth. We helped clean his little body. We named him. We figured out how to spell the name we gave him. We were the first to feed him, the first to get spat upon. And we were the first to hold him close. We held him and held him and held him. We looked at him with adoration. We longed for the few moments every couple of hours when he would actually open his eyes. When we got stir crazy we bought him presents in the gift shop. We took turns going to local stores to buy him outfits and "onesies." We sang to him. We rocked him. We prayed over him and we thanked God for him.

On Sunday I left the nursery for a few minutes to get a cup of coffee. I noticed the biological father talking with Brayden’s delivery doctor. As I approached, I couldn’t help but hear him say that his "wife was doing great and that she felt very good about the child’s new parents." After I interrupted, he told me his wife was recovering well and that she was getting her tubes tied that morning. I left them alone to finish their conversation.

At Home
We brought Brayden home on the Monday following his birth. Our attorney met with the judge and got the papers signed. We presented them to the hospital, which then authorized his release.

Technically we have been Brayden’s guardians since that time. The adoption is only final following a "post placement study" by a social worker, the subsequent report to the court, and an appearance in front of the judge.

On December 14 we are scheduled to appear before the Pierce County Superior Court. Our post-placement study went well. Brayden is getting along wonderfully. He’s gaining weight like a college freshman on a dorm-food diet. Janelle is on leave from her job until February. Dakota knows not to come near him (she prefers dehydrated pig snouts). Tia can’t stand him. He only cries when we sit down for dinner. And our friends and family spoil him rotten.

Parenthood is Great
As I write this, I have circles around my eyes. Partially they are from sleep depravation; partially they are from reflecting on our experiences and the blessings Brayden has brought to our lives.

I believe that the key to a successful adoption is the services of a top-notch adoptions attorney. So much more than "the law" is involved. Counseling and interpersonal communications are perhaps the most important services provided. Fires have to be extinguished; and advocacy skills are used throughout the process - both in and out of court. No two adoptions are the same. Practicing as an adoptions attorney is the job for a select few. I hope that the insight I gained as a client will prompt a few of you to explore practicing in the area of adoptions. Believe me, you will have the opportunity to use your training and skills to help people. That is why we should all be in this business anyway.

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